Sunday, September 15, 2013

I Am Drunk

     I'm drunk.  Obviously not too type to drunk, drunk but still pretty drunk.  It occurs to me that I've never drunken blogged.  My spell check keeps wanting to correct blogged to flogged but I have drunken flogged.  That is, however, a whole nother story that I'm not drunk enough to tell.  Still, now I will drink and blog and this will be the first time that I've sat down to write a post with not even a clue of what I'm going to write.  It should be interesting.
     So what do I think about when I'm drunk? Women.  Women.  Norm from Cheers was right; "Women.  Can't live with them....pass the beernuts."  I passed up three or four women in the bars of Herrin tonight that I know I could have gone home with mostly because they were women in the bars in Herrin.  Still, it was partially because I was more concerned with texting a woman in Carbondale who told me two months ago that she doesn't want to date guys that are bald, wear glasses, have beards, smoke, or have kids.  Still,  I've become friends with her and was texting her tonight while she was out on a date and we were both making fun of the youngster she was on a date with.  Am I stupid?  Are women stupid?  Is the answer to both those questions yes?
     Maybe the whole thing about wanting what we can't have is true but I don't think so.  If that were true then why don't I want my ex wife?  She looks better now than she ever did when we were together.  That includes when she was sixteen and twenty one and all those ages when women think they look their best.  Still, when I look at her now there's just nothing.  Why the hell am I writing about any of this?  I'm drunk I guess.  Why don't I use the delete button in my moments of self awareness?  I'm drunk I guess.
     So I guess that begs the question who the hell ever begs for a question?  Wait, no, that's not it.  It begs the question; what am I looking for in a woman?  I don't know.  Love is like the Supreme Court justice said about porn, "I'll know it when I see it."  See, I don't want to limit myself, in love or porn, and I'll consider almost any kind.  They just have to be strong; women that is not porn.
     I like strong women.  That's what I grew up with and that's what I want.  Some assume that means I'm a weak man but you know what they say about making an ass out of ume. The deal is that I'm not going to fix anyone's life.  Hell, I've barely got my own life together. I don't expect anyone to fix my life, either.  When I find the right woman together we will makes each other's life better and that's it really but that's a lot I think.  I also think that the previous sentence's structure probably only makes sense when I'm drunk.
     That's another thing; writing.  I know I'm a pretty decent writer and a lot better than some people that make a living off this shit but get off my back about it.  I know those of you that are encouraging me only want what's best for me but I only want what's best for my son and I can't afford to take the kind of risk, i.e. quitting work and trying to write for a living, that would be necessary for me to write for a living.  So I'll keep writing this blog for the pleasure of writing, to help me sort out feelings, and for as much as it attracts women to me and that's it.  I'll write a story from time to time when I just can't get the idea out of my head but then I'll do nothing with it once I've written it.  If that disappoints you then now you know how my ex wife felt most of my life.
     So what do I really have to offer a woman then?  Not my writing because well; is this kind of drivel really much to offer?  Not a better life because she'll have to work with me to get that.  I'm a nice guy.  I'm a different sort of guy.  I am capable of winning the understatement of the year award.  I have a beard that I insist is kick ass no matter what anyone else thinks of it.  I'm an intelligent man.  I have a few other traits that I won't mention in a public forum even when I'm drunk that are a positive.  Oh and I've got blue eyes like the Colorado/Texas/Arizona sky or the Atlantic Ocean take your pick.  That's it really and if that's not enough then fuck it.  I'm drunk.


  1. LOL OK Mr drunk! Enough of the drunken drivel. I know all your great qualities, and if I was younger, I'd probably want to date you. ;-) As it is, you are younger than my son, so I value your friendship, even though we have some totally different views of things sometimes. That's what I love about ya. You're uniqueness!! WE can agree to disagree, and anyone that can't take you for who & what you truly are is blind. Oh yeah, Atlantic Ocean. LOL There is someone out there for you that will be the perfect partner. Just keep on looking. I have faith in you!! Now, put down the drink & go to sleep. :-)